Episode 197: Stop Waiting for Validation | Adam W. Barney on Permission

Guest: Adam W. Barney, transition coach for founders and executives, host of Is Anything Real?, and author of Make Your Own Glass Half Full

Episode Summary

Adam W. Barney spent two decades as the person who could figure anything out, until being capable started to feel like a cage. In this conversation, we talk about two layoffs as identity moments, the regret minimization question that moved him out of corporate, what losing his mother to ALS taught him about control and agency, and the moment in an elevator pitch competition when he admitted he doesn't give himself enough credit to believe he can win. It matters because so many capable people hand their results the job of deciding what they're allowed to believe about themselves.

This episode is for the coach or founder who keeps entering the room "just to learn" and is quietly waiting for one more yes before she lets herself want the win.

Key Takeaways

• Capable as a Cage: Being the one who absorbs everyone's complexity works right up until it starts costing you, and at some point that isn't leadership anymore.
• The Next Honest Step: For Adam, self-trust isn't certainty; it's knowing enough to take one aligned action from the truth.
• Control vs. Agency: Control says "I can make life obey," while agency says "I can choose my next honest move inside what life has handed me."
• Wanting the Win: Iterating and wanting to win are not opposites, and letting results decide which one you're allowed is the real ceiling.
• Discernment, Not Permission: Feedback can sharpen how and who you serve, but no one outside of you can give you self-trust.

About Adam W. Barney

Adam W. Barney helps founders and executives navigate transition points where what used to work no longer does. After 20 years in global advertising and technology, he now coaches leaders through reinvention, identity shifts, and performance under pressure. He's the host of Is Anything Real?, author of Make Your Own Glass Half Full, and writer of the Plugged In Leadership newsletter. Based in Boston, fueled by family, music, and curiosity about what actually drives change.

Connect with Adam
- Website: https://www.adamwbarney.com/
- Social: @adamwbarney
- Podcast: Is Anything Real?
- Book: Make Your Own Glass Half Full
- Newsletter: Plugged In Leadership

Full Transcript

Dawn: Welcome back to the Self Trust Solution Podcast. I'm your host, Dawn Ledet, the self-trust coach, and today I'm joined by Adam Barney. Adam helps founders and executives navigate transition points, those moments when what used to work no longer does. We know those. After more than 20 years in global advertising and technology, he now coaches leaders under reinvention, identity shifts, and leading under pressure. He's the host of Is Anything Real?, the author of Make Your Own Glass Half Full, and writes the Plugged In leadership newsletter. But what drew me to Adam's story is that he's not joining us from the other side of some perfectly wrapped transformation. He's in the middle of a question I think many ambitious people eventually face. What happens when you've built something meaningful, but the next chapter isn't asking you to work harder, it's asking something entirely different of you? Adam, welcome to the podcast.

Adam W. Barney: Thank you, Dawn. It's great to be here. I'm excited.

Dawn: Yeah. I'm so glad to have you. So I'd love to start with where you are today. If someone asked what's the real work you're doing right now, what would you say?

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm gonna say thank you for also mentioning a little bit of my, on my background, right? That background gave me a front row seat to a lot of things that worked, but a seat also to a lot of things it absolutely did not. And eventually it hit that point where I realized I didn't wanna just keep being good inside systems I didn't fully believe in anymore, right? I managed a ton of money in paid media, over $100 million across my career. Worked with big companies, big teams, big expectations, and I learned a lot. But what comes into my work here today is that I learned that being capable can become a cage if you're not careful. And that's, comes from for a long time I was the guy who could figure it out, right? Give me the messy thing, give me the complex thing, or give me the thing no one else wants to untangle, and I'll get in there and make sense of it. And that served me until it started costing me. And now a lot of my own work is helping people at that exact point, where the old tools aren't bad, they're just not enough anymore.

Dawn: Okay. Yeah. So the work you're doing right now is what?

Adam W. Barney: So coaching leaders going through transition, right? The best leaders in the world, Dawn, I think-

Dawn: What transitions, though? What are you seeing?

Adam W. Barney: Well, so leadership... The best leaders in the world these days realize that change is the only constant, right? And that's what I truly mean by transition. They realize that no matter if they solve the thing that they're focused on today, there's gonna be a new challenge that pops up tomorrow. So transition is always constant. It's not about getting from just point A to point B, it's about navigating on that path between point A and point B and realizing that there's actually a point C that's gonna reveal itself in the future. And it gets into this idea that I talk a lot about, where one of the few things that level sets every human on this planet, and there aren't many of them, is that we all only have 24 hours in the day to get done what we need to get done. I don't only work with executives. I talk with a lot of college and high school students, and I actually remind them that they only have 24 hours in the day to get done what they need to get done, and can they imagine spending 24 hours in the day focusing on their studies? And they kind of laugh at me and look a bit perplexed, but they realize, "No, that's not what I can do. I have this energy inside myself, and I need to find the things that plug me back in, no matter what the challenge is." It's the same thing for a high-power executive. Anyone who has that high agency, that high impact, still has to sit within that 24-hour guardrail, and it's how you use that time. I think a lot of coaches out there, a lot of the world talks about, how do we find more time? How do we gain time back? It's not about time at all. It's about the energy we have as that time elapses, even though I could spend the next 45 minutes, Dawn, talking about how energy is, or time is only a construct, right? So that's maybe the deeper level of what I would get into a year into my own future here.

Dawn: What I'm more interested in is kind of what is your work within yourself now. If we- and we will get to the work that you do with your clients, but if we looked only at the outside of your business and your career, what story would we tell?

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. Well, the first thing is that I guess my old move was effort, right? Needing to show more effort, more usefulness, more carrying, more figuring it out. More of saying, "I've got it." And that worked until it felt like that ceiling, right? The version of me on the other side is clearer. It's not louder. It's not more impressive. It's not more optimized. It's not saying faster. It's telling the truth sooner. It's not needing to be the person holding the whole room together. And it's also not confusing being needed with being aligned. That's a huge step for me because you get rewarded for being capable, but you can start to think your value in that is just how much you can absorb, and at some point that's not leadership. That just becomes furniture for everyone else's chaos, and the ceiling wasn't actually Adam try harder, it was saying, "Adam, stop proving through exhaustion." And that's the shift that I mean with energy and... Self-trust for me, Dawn, also, it's not certainty, and that's important here. I don't wake up every day thinking, "Fantastic, I'll know exactly what I'm doing." That's absolutely not the truth. I have two kids. I have two dogs. I have this business. I have a podcast, a marriage, life happening in every single direction, and I realize there's plenty I don't know. But self-trust is more like I know enough just to take the next honest step. That's it, right? It's not the perfect step, not the step that makes everyone comfortable, and not the step that comes with a guarantee. A lot of the world talks about silver bullets, right? There's actually never been a silver bullet created in the world. A lot of strong voices are saying AI's gonna help with all these challenges we have. It's ultimately not, right? That's just a complex thing that we're gonna get into. And for me, though, it's about taking the next honest step, and that's been really one of the most practical definitions for me. Can I tell myself the truth, and can I take just one aligned action from that truth? And maybe it's also to a certain extent stop asking fear to sign off on every move.

Dawn: So what do you see is the difference between, what someone would see if they're looking at you, your business externally from an external perspective, and what was actually going on for you internally?

Adam W. Barney: I mean, internally it's... From an outward perspective, people can think, "Oh, you've got everything perfect," right? Social media has influenced this. To have outwardly I'm showcasing the best of who I am. Even sitting on this podcast I'm not sitting back and feeling deflated, but I can feel deflated still sometimes. We're all... I'm a human just like everyone else in this world, and I have the days when I wake up and I feel like I can't do this. That's the missing piece that doesn't come when you're building a business and you're trying to showcase your best self on stages, in front of rooms, on podcasts as a guest, or even putting things like a book out into the world. It's that self-judgment that came, comes from that experience that I've built across 20 years, and the weird things that have happened on that journey.

Dawn: Yeah. When you started feeling maybe the tension between just doing more or the difference between trying to manage maybe perceptions, I don't know, you tell me, but when you started feeling that, what did you naturally do?

Adam W. Barney: For myself, Dawn, I looked back internally actually. I am someone who... I realized I'm 43 years old. I realized probably 50% through my life to this date that I wasn't driven by outside competition. I was always driven by that internal set of self-determination. And I don't think that's typical in the way a lot of the world looks at things. But it also gives me an increase in the belief that even if the revenue isn't coming from what I'm doing yet, I'm sitting in the center of what I truly believe in, and I'm being honest with myself. And that gives me the path forward. It's almost like I've always thought of myself as an outlier, right? I'm not someone who likes to march in the same direction as what the world says we should march in. I balance that with the fact that nothing that any of us in this world are doing is actually brand new. We're only iterating on things that have happened in the past and trying to build to make them better. But I have to trust myself. That self-trust is a huge piece of the puzzle that doesn't get shown outward. I, Dawn, you mentioned in your intro I have this podcast asking, is anything real? And I truly mean that. Is anything real? But we've been talking probably two years ago, the original podcast I would've launched would've been called Founders' Failures. And I'm a big believer in the fact that when we talk about the times when we stumble and when we fall, it's not about having the perfect solution of what comes next, it's just about getting up and continuing to trudge along on that path. And that's a lot of what my own path was driven by. Even my corporate career, it gave me a lot, and I don't wanna talk like someone who acts like every corporate chapter was a prison sentence, because it wasn't. I learned a ton. I met incredible people. I got reps that I could try that I would never have gotten otherwise, but I also got laid off twice. And layoffs I think are actually weird- And talking a little bit about those failures, right, those mess-ups, because people try to make them sound really clean. Your role was impacted. And I'm like, "Well, that's great, but my nervous system doesn't receive that as a spreadsheet update." I actually see layoffs as an identity moment. You can be good, you can be great, you can be loyal, you can be doing some work, but still one day the system just says we're moving differently now. The first layoff shook me. The second one taught me, actually. It taught me I couldn't keep putting my whole sense of personal safety inside someone else's system. And again, that doesn't mean corporate is bad, it just means that I had to stop outsourcing my identity to a room that I didn't control. And that's where that self-determination, and paired with that self-trust, started getting louder for me. And it wasn't dramatic, right? It was a slow process, but more like oh, okay, talking to myself, Adam, what part of you still exists if that title changes or doesn't exist anymore? And that's the real question that I faced there.

Dawn: How did you answer it?

Adam W. Barney: I looked internally. The first time that I got laid off, and I talk about this in my first book, Make Your Own Glass Half Full, I was working for Microsoft. We were actually working in a WeWork in downtown Boston. I got called... I mean, I think, Dawn, you... I'm sure you know what WeWork is, and WeWork has evolved obviously in the last handful of years with COVID. But you're in basically a series of glass boxes in an office. And when you get called into a glass box that's on a different floor in your WeWork building, and you walk up to that glass box that you're supposed to go to, and there's your manager and someone you'd never seen before, that's a weird feeling. And then you don't even get to go back to your desk to collect your things or say goodbye to your team. You simply walk out of a WeWork. It was a beautiful August day here in Boston. I hop on the train, the subway back home, surprised. At that point we had no kids and just one dog. And I surprised our old man dog, Welly And took him on a walk in the middle of the day, and I basically realized by the time I got back home that everything was gonna be okay. I'm still the person. My identity doesn't disappear. When it happened again, it was the same sort of a situation. I was, oddly enough, in a business accelerator program at that point in time. I think that entrepreneurial spark really started to shine there because it was a year into COVID. I was at the same standing desk that I'm at here. I got an ominous meeting set up at 5:00 on a Monday. That was driven by a 4% global workforce reduction driven by private equity. And it wasn't about, it wasn't about the system. It was that shakenness of identity that you feel from... It's like dating someone, right? And then they break up with you. In a very weird way it shakes your identity. But I don't see that's how it should work in the corporate world, right? And I sort of pivoted on that happening, and I actually intentionally left the corporate world. The resignation moment from corporate actually happened on a plane. I was flying back to Boston from Punta Mita, Mexico after Labor Day 2021. I had been working for a 90-person Series D cybersecurity company. There were three key things that happened in that journey that didn't make sense, so I'd but it finally gave me enough distance from the day-to-day noise to hear myself, and that's that self-trust. That's that self-determination. And I used a tool that I still love today, which is called the regret minimization framework. And basically that works look two years ahead and ask which decision will I regret less? Will I regret staying in a path I already know isn't mine? Or say, will I regret leaving and seeing what I can build? And the answer, the honest answer actually was I wouldn't... I would regret And the honest answer was I would regret staying more. It wasn't because leaving was easy, and not because anything was guaranteed. Nothing is perfect in this world. I didn't have a perfect plan. I had kids, a mortgage, real responsibilities and heartbeats. But it also wasn't wandering barefoot into the universe with a journal and a smoothie, right? Staying would've required me to keep ignoring what I already knew. And that actually is one of the fastest ways to damage that self-trust.

Dawn: You talk about wanting just one more piece of evidence before taking the next step. Tell us about that. Where do you think that instinct comes from?

Adam W. Barney: I think it comes from that self-determination. I'm not a marketer who became a coach, right? Let's think about that as being the claim that I made. For a while, I used the old receipts to explain myself. That 20 years in marketing, $100 million in paid ads, agencies, startups, global companies, teams, budgets, all of that. And those things are obviously real and they matter, but they're not the whole story. I realized I had to claim that my real work is transition. That's what I see. I see the moment when someone's old tools stop working. I can see the founder who built the business by carrying everything, but now they're, they can't scale because everything still runs through them. I see the executives who get promoted because they were great in one mode, but now that same mode burns them out or flames them out even worse. And I see people who think that they're failing when really they're just being asked to evolve, and I had to stop waiting for someone else to validate that. That's really the shift there.

Dawn: Yeah, so when you notice yourself wanting more or waiting for more certainty. What is that conversation you're having with yourself?

Adam W. Barney: I mean, I have to, it's really realizing I have to stop waiting for someone else to validate it, right? There's never gonna be some magical email that says, "Adam, you've become yourself. Congratulations. You've fully become yourself," right? I checked spam, right? Nothing. At some point I had to say, "You know, this is the work. This isn't a side thing. This isn't a someday thing. This is what I'm here to do." And the permission I gave myself was simply waiting for myself to give permission, right? It's a, it's sort of a vexing paradox there of I keep-

Dawn: But what is the permission that... Like for instance, what permission that are you giving yourself today that maybe you weren't giving a year ago?

Adam W. Barney: It's trusting myself that I am working towards the center of what's inside myself, and not needing... If I have a client who walks away from me, that shouldn't shift my identity. If I meet someone and tell them, "I'm trying this new thing," and they don't think it makes sense, if I truly do believe in it- You know, it's that little bit of crazy as an entrepreneur, I guess probably. But it's almost having to stop worrying about what other people think also, and taking that noise of the impact around us and working towards a little bit of space and a little bit of silence that's increasingly difficult in this crazy, increasing modern world where we have endless email pings and things on our phone popping up.

Dawn: I like to think of it more as discernment, right? We don't actually want to ignore what other people think, especially when we're in service-based businesses, right? We do want to. But we wanna be able to discern what is aligned and useful, what is showing us, giving us information for how we can serve better or for a more precise picture of who we're serving.

Adam W. Barney: Right. Exactly. Yeah. And I mean, I actually think as humans, we do a very bad job at proving the wins that we make on a day-to-day basis, and it's not... It's a simple thing to do. I make progress every day. It's not like I need to make big steps. It's thinking about how you build the foundation before you can build the house on top of it. You have to take certain steps that don't feel big and celebrate those small wins. I've had a light bulb go off with so many founders and executives by just telling them, "Go to your local convenience store, buy a tiny little 99 cent notebook, and just write with a Sharpie small wins on the front of it. And make sure it's small enough that it can fit in your back pocket or you can drop it in your bag or drop it in your purse. And then when you make tangible steps forward in anything from a holistic standpoint as a human, write that down in that notebook." It's that reminder that we are making forward progress, because the human brain naturally only looks at the negative things that happened, and it starts to retrain. And neuroplasticity is a real thing. It starts to rewire those synapses in our brain to look at the positive and the forward motion that we're making, not the fact that we're just running into speed bump after speed bump after speed bump.

Dawn: Sure. Yeah. We do that at the Self Trust Coach. We call it the I'm So Impressed list, and what it actually does that's so strategic, it's less about even being just positive. It's tactical in the way that it is an expansion record. So I say don't just write down the small wins. Write down everything, the small and the large. And not even just the wins. Write down what you've overcome, what you've endured. Because this is allowing you to see yourself more fully, more truly, that a focus on just the negative doesn't give you the full picture.

Adam W. Barney: Right. Right. Well, and that's actually where the title of my first book comes from. I had an irritation with the whole glass half full, glass half empty thing. I always thought, "Why are those the only two options, Dawn?" Right? And that kind of speaks to this, but who gave me the glass that I hold? Who decided what goes into it? Who decided what level full actually means? So the idea there was throw those glasses over your shoulder, grab your own cup, grab your own pitcher, pick your favorite beverage, and make your own glass half full. And-

Dawn: Or just open your arms and allow as much... No glass needed.

Adam W. Barney: Yep.

Dawn: Allow as much to pour in and pour out as you deem necessary or aligned. So you mentioned that for a long time you thought of yourself as a corporate leader who coached, wrote, and created on the side. How has that identity been changing?

Adam W. Barney: It's been a long evolution, right? I have to believe in the history of the value that I bring, but I can't bring that to the forefront in what I do. It's ... I think of it, Dawn, if you, if I could go back to my high school Adam, right? That high school Adam would see me with the work that I do now and never imagine who I've become, the stages that I've been on, the things that I've done, that I wrote a book, that I have a podcast, that I'm exposing myself like I do. And it's not about exposing the best of me all. It's about showing those bumps in the road, and showing that, yeah I do this, but I have lived experiences and I've made mistakes through that. And that's a honest piece of where I come from. And a lot of coaches I've seen in the world don't get into that real side of the story. It's only highlighting the good things. It's not talking about the struggles. And so many executives I've worked with, and I wish I had this for myself in the corporate journey, was someone that I could use as a trusted advisor who wasn't related to the company. If you're on a executive board and you're having relationship problems with three of the other members on the board, having a trusted guide who can help you navigate those complex relationships is deeply important. And I could have used that in my days. That's what I love to provide in the way that I coach as well.

Dawn: So how has that identity been changing? From seeing yourself as corporate leader who coached, wrote, and created on the side to now.

Adam W. Barney: I mean, it's giving myself that permission really. It's saying-

Dawn: But what is the identity? What is the permission? What is the permission? What is the identity?

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. It's that-

Dawn: If you used to see yourself as coach, or executive, corporate executive or leader who coached and wrote and created on the side, how do you see your identity now?

Adam W. Barney: I mean, I see my... I have that agency where I can do this myself. I believe in myself and I know that I'm doing the right thing, and it works from just reminding myself of that constantly. My oldest daughter, probably when she was three, wrote a note that I keep on the side of my desk that says, "Dad, you are the best dad in the world." And that's a reminder that fills that cup that I have or fills that path forward to remind myself that I am doing good, I am okay in this journey. I've also got a positive potato sitting here. I've got an avocado that says, "You totally guac this." Those are the coffee-

Dawn: So is that the identity you're now holding?

Adam W. Barney: That's the identity. That gives me the permission to be in that identity that I can drive this transformation for leaders, and I can be that resource set in their back pocket that helps them succeed and just work through challenges and not fall down and give up or figure out what the right next door is to open. And that's what I've given myself permission to start to talk about.

Dawn: It sounds like your identity is as transformation, like cultivator or guide.

Adam W. Barney: Right. Well, it-

Dawn: And best dad also.

Adam W. Barney: Maybe a little bit more of what unlocked this for me, Dawn. I lost my mom, it'll be 12 years ago this November, to bulbar onset ALS. This connects towards my coaching because that experience changed me. I assume a lot of our, a lot of our listeners would know ALS is brutal because it strips away that illusion of control. You can't productivity hack it. You can't strategy deck your way around it. Those are things that I could have done back on my path. You can't be even useful enough to make it fair, and for someone like me who had learned to trust capability, that was really hard. There was no version of Adam figures it out that could fix it. But there... What I realized is there was still agency, and that's a big distinction, right? Control says, "I can make life obey," but agency on the flip side says, "I can choose my next honest move inside what life has handed me." After my mom passed away, I got involved with the ALS Therapy Development Institute here in Boston and a familial ALS study at the University of Miami with Dr. Michael Benatar, who's recognized today as the world's preeminent ALS researcher. That didn't make grief go away. I didn't... It's a incredibly challenging thing to go through losing anyone with a heartbeat that we love. I also don't love the world closure, right? Some things don't close. Those actions gave me a way to participate, right? To honor her and to turn some of that pain that a lot of the world would probably take and not feel empowered through and use it for something useful, and that's been a big theme that I've found in my own life. It's not about how do I control everything. Instead, it's how do I participate honestly in what's here.

Dawn: Yeah. So through these experiences and this experience, when you picture the leader who's capable of building this next chapter, you, what's different about the way you make decisions?

Adam W. Barney: Oh, I'm gonna weave something else in that's happening. More recently my wife has gone through breast cancer, Dawn. And I always wanna say that carefully because it's obviously her story, it's not mine. But as a husband, as a dad, as someone who's building a business, it brings everything into focus fast. You realize how much of life does not care about your calendar. The calls come, the diagnosis comes, the appointment gets scheduled or rescheduled. The kids still need breakfast. The dogs still need to go out. The business is still chugging along. And I just had to be a human trying to be present for all of it, and I still have to do that. And the chapters of dealing, going through this with my wife and losing my mom to ALS, they've both softened me and sharpened me at the same time. They've made me less interested in performance, less interested in business theater, really less interested in pretending we can separate leadership from the human doing the leading. And that's a huge piece for me of proving that out. That's how I coach the leaders. But we can't separate those things. The person who shows up everywhere at home, in the business, in the hard conversation, in the transition, in the way they ask for help or refuse to, that's why I care about that self-trust, that self-determination. Life asks us things that no framework is gonna prepare us for. And then in those moments, I think we actually need a relationship with ourselves that's stronger than the noise.

Dawn: For sure. What... When you talk about, you mentioned a little bit ago about ceiling, using that word ceiling. What do you think that ceiling has been asking of you? Or preventing you from, or holding you to?

Adam W. Barney: I mean, the ceiling is only the ceiling that we self-create, right? The ceiling that I view isn't ... I have a ceiling above my head here right now. I'm in a build-up in this house that was built up in 1972. First thing, it's about 115 degrees in this office where I'm recording right now because they didn't insulate the top of the roof. But at the same time whoever built this is the analogy I'll bring in here. Whoever built this house originally, this was a one-floor porch that we're on. Someone came in and had a different vision and built this up in the house in the '70s, so the house changed. So when it goes back to the ceiling, you just built a different level on top of that ceiling. That's what I've done as the human that I am in this journey. It's realizing I'm stronger today than I was yesterday. I've learned more. I'm the best that I can be today every single day, even if I don't get done what I need to get done. And if I don't, tomorrow's a new day, and that sun is always shining behind the clouds somewhere. I can use that as my own energy. But it's realizing that maybe the vision of what I approve myself and trust myself to build is from the perspective that's influenced by what my past has done or what the people I have around me provide as my limits. Those limits aren't real. Those are only imposed from the input that people outside my life and in the inside of myself have given me, and the things that I truly believe and I can do. And it's that self-trust that's the biggest piece of it, Dawn.

Dawn: Sure. So tell me, what is your particular right now ceiling preventing you from asking of you or inviting you to? I like to think of it in all those ways, yeah.

Adam W. Barney: Well, I mean, I think of it for myself, and this weaves into my philosophy with my coaching. The tools that got me here might have saved me, but that doesn't mean they lead the next chapter. That's the heart of myself. That's the heart of my coaching. I don't shame the old patterns. People pleasing works in some places, worked somewhere. Over-functioning worked somewhere. Control worked. Being the strong one probably worked somewhere. And those tools help, have helped me survive, belong, succeed, get promoted, build the business and maybe keep the family as steady as possible. But I don't look at them and say, "Bad." I say, "Thank you. Are you still the right tool?" And that's different. The Energy OS system comes from my own lived experience and it's that operating system that I follow also when the old one stops working, and I've had to do that for myself. And I think install is the important word here, Dawn. I don't think about just the inspiration. I think about for myself even the installation. I don't wanna have my clients leave a conversation with a beautiful idea that evaporates by, say, Thursday, right? I want the thing to become practical. And I ask this of myself, how do you manage your energy? How do I make decisions? Who do I... How do I stop leaking capacity? And how do I tell the truth to myself faster? It's again, it's not about time, but it's how do you stop being that operating system for everyone else? And-

Dawn: So is that what you think your ceiling is right now, is like extending yourself too much, or just being limited by external impact or voices of others?

Adam W. Barney: It's being limited by the external voices of other people. And it's also really understanding, Dawn, I for the last two months, I've been not expecting to win this, but I've been in an elevator pitch competition that literally happens in an elevator in 30 seconds, where you pitch live to three investors. And I only bring this up because talk about a situation, I mean, that brings me into a room where I'm with 40 founders who are also in line to do this pitching. And Dawn, one of the weirdest observations I've received from being in that is so many of those founders are nervous. So many of those founders are shaking in their boots, and I walk into that, and maybe it's just the way that I'm built, and I'm like, "I'm not planning to win this. I'm gonna participate because it helps me get better." And I tell people that I've done this, and they're... The jaws are on the floor. And I'm like, I... But I don't get stressed in it. I walk into this because I believe what I'm pitching. I believe in myself. I'm chatting with other people. I've met a lot of really interesting folks through that experience. Again, it's not stepping in about winning, right? That's an external competitive mission. It's $100,000 that happens in seven months. There's three rounds to this whole thing. I just wanna be in this room because I elevate with the people around me, and I give myself that ability to flex that muscle. Right? And try-

Dawn: So why not want to win? Just curious.

Adam W. Barney: I mean, I... It would be great if I get a gold key, and I get... go to the finals in November. But it's more about iterating. It's iterating myself, and the

Dawn: Why can't it be both?

Adam W. Barney: I think it can be both. But it's also I don't give myself enough credit to believe that I can win in that kind of situation.

Dawn: That's it right there. That's it. That's so good to admit that because, I mean, believe me, no one has to go into something wanting to win necessarily. But it's important to recognize that one is not at the antithesis of the other. Of course you can still wanna iterate and want to win, and give yourself permission, because you've spoken so cleanly about giving yourself permission. Give yourself permission to want the win while you are iterating and improving.

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But I mean, but I mean, Dawn, I've had ... So all of the 40 people don't get in it, don't get a chance to pitch in this every time. The two of the times I've attended I've gotten to actually go in the elevator and do, it's actually a 26-second pitch going from the second to the 13th floor. And it's live with those investors. You get feedback immediately when you get off the elevator. You have to do a recap on the elevator back down, and then walk out on a stage when they say, "Yes, you got a gold key," or, "No, you didn't get a gold key." I haven't gotten a gold key to bring me to the finals yet. I think I maybe will get there because I'm iterating over time. But at the same time, this, the first time I did it I felt good about it. I had people that I knew in the room who said, "That was great. You did a great job in that pitch." That was fun. I walked away from it with that proof point, but then I went back and I did it again. And I had people that I didn't know go, "Hey, your pitch this month was a lot better than it was the last month." And just that little bit of external validation, that sits heavy in my mind of like, I can do this. I can build that because I'm getting better, I'm getting stronger, and I just keep trying.

Dawn: Sure. And what I'd love to invite you to is just to believe that without the external validation. External validation is beautiful, and we enjoy it so much. It's not required. It's exactly what we look at. 'Cause otherwise you're letting results be in charge of whether or not you get to believe you can get that key or you can keep improving, and even win that.

Adam W. Barney: Well, and I mean, it's, a another example in the last couple months, there's, out of Pepperdine University, there's this most fundable companies thing, and this, I stumbled across it the day before the deadline. And again, I wasn't stepping into this with the expectation I'm gonna win it, but I love, for our listeners, it's just an example. I put my hat in the ring. I widened my luck razor, let's say. And I made it into the second round of this. I unfortunately didn't make it further, but after the second round, number one, it trained me. I had to build an investor pitch deck for this one that took the ideas I had in the head and had forced me to put them in a more clean format, a more usable format. I submitted that for the second round, and then before they sent the results, they sent me a 38-page PDF on how to make my company more fundable when I didn't even think I had the ability to have a fundable company, that gives me... That's an anything that we need permission for, right? I would challenge listeners go out on the street around you, stop five people, and ask them if they would either buy or invest in a, in this completely nonsensical idea, right? It's the fact that all of the self-driving cars are gonna go away and unicorns are gonna start driving the cars. That's never gonna actually happen, and it's a negotiation tactic. It's building a-

Dawn: But also don't limit your ideas by what those five people say. Please do not.

Adam W. Barney: Well, but I think that-

Dawn: And I would give you, make your own, you have make your own glass half full, I want you to also make your own luck. 'Cause you mentioned luck. I think that's so good.

Adam W. Barney: Well, but what happens if you go out to five people, it's actually so surprising. People aren't just gonna say no and walk away. People are gonna say no, but, or no, if. And that if or the but, it takes away that need for permission, and it gives you that self-trust and that self-reliance.

Dawn: I'm gonna kindly rebuke that. Because no one can give you self-trust.

Adam W. Barney: Absolutely not.

Dawn: No one outside will give you that.

Adam W. Barney: No, it'll literally allow you to give yourself the self-trust then.

Dawn: Oh, gosh. Yeah, well. That is firmly in your own agency. I hope that people choose that over waiting for someone to give them that permission. But if, tell us what you're building right now and what you're most excited about.

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. I mean, I am excited about continuing to grow this business, giving myself the permission, giving myself that trust. My podcast is growing. I have a second book that I'm planning on writing. I actually over the weekend, Dawn, I know this'll be released in a couple months, I just filed my second trademark over the weekend. That's what I'm excited for. It's doing these big things that I truly believe in that're gonna, that are gonna push the world and affect people in a positive manner. That's what I'm, that's what I'm driven for. And also realizing that transition is not failure, right? Transition is information. I think a lot of people use transition as evidence that they messed up, and I don't see it that way. Transition means you're listening. Sometimes it means your body told the truth before your resume did. Sometimes.

Dawn: We're literally always in transition.

Adam W. Barney: Right, exactly.

Dawn: So yeah, tell us where people can connect with you and continue following your work.

Adam W. Barney: Yeah. Well, the best place is LinkedIn. Adam W. Barney. My podcast is Is Anything Real? It's anywhere you listen and on YouTube. My book is Make Your Own Glass Half Full: The Empowered Path to Optimism and Autonomy. And for anyone who feels like some of those old tools aren't working anymore, there's a 20-minute foundation call on my site, and that's usually the best first step in my coaching world. But LinkedIn-

Dawn: Awesome. We're gonna include all those links in the show notes. Adam, what I appreciate most about this conversation is your willingness to let people see the middle. So often we only hear stories once they're all polished and they tied a little tidy bow on it. But I think there's something incredible and super powerful about hearing someone say, "I'm still in this work." And one thing that stayed with me is this idea that sometimes what looks like a ceiling isn't asking us for another tactic. It's just asking us to lead differently, to stop waiting for one more receipt, to stop negotiating with what we already know, and to begin making decisions from a different place. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story.

Adam W. Barney: Thank you so much, Dawn. This has been a huge pleasure.

Dawn: Oh, it's so good. Before we close, I wanna leave you with one thought. Adam talked about reaching what looked like a ceiling, and but underneath it was something deeper. Sometimes what we're trying to solve with strategy isn't a strategy problem at all. It's an identity problem. It's a foundation problem. Adam said that so beautifully. It's like the floor we're standing on, and that's exactly why I created The Floor. It's not about becoming someone new, it's about uncovering what's already true beneath the proving, the performing, and the waiting for permission. It's about making decisions from who you are, not from what your latest results have convinced you to believe. If today's conversation stirred something in you, I invite you to learn more about The Floor. You'll find the link in the show notes, and it takes just a few minutes to check it out. It's also an invitation to take the self-trust identity map. Before strategy, before motivation, before another tactic, we need to know where your identity is operating from right now and where your next breakthrough is actually waiting. We'll see you next time. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. Have a great one.

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