Confidence as a choice. Do you make it?

Oct 20, 2020

Given the choice, wouldn't we all choose confidence?  

Well the truth is, maybe.  But also, maybe not. 

You could be thinking:

  1. I don't think confidence is a choice.
  2. Confident people are self-absorbed and arrogant…I don't want to be like that. 

Or any number of other confidence misconceptions.

Whatever your stance, if you are lacking confidence and find yourself suffering the pitfalls of such or masking insecurity in ways that do not serve you; you may want to reconsider.

So, let’s look at what confidence really means, why we want it and how we can choose it.

What does it mean to have confidence?

One definition of confidence is to have "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."

Another is "the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust."

The truth is it is a combination of both when it comes to building confidence in ourselves.

Meaning, you must build self-trust to build confidence and appreciate you for being you.

It means taking care of yourself. Having your own back and following through on your plans.

Often, we will make plans with the best of intentions. Plans that are made to do something we have decided is a good thing for us to do. But each time we don't follow through with those plans, we are planting seeds of self-doubt. Doubt in ourselves to trust ourselves.

See self-confidence isn't innate. We aren't born with it. We build it over time by honoring our words to ourselves and taking action even when we don't feel like it. Even when we fear rejection, failure, loneliness, embarrassment.

Confidence= Self love/ appreciation + Self trust + Courage

Confidence comes from belief(s) about self. 

Beliefs come from practiced thoughts.

What does it NOT mean to have confidence?

Having confidence does not mean being arrogant, insensitive or ignoring other peoples' needs or feelings.   

In fact, arrogance is a result of masking insecurity and faking confidence.  It is based in fear.  A fear of recognizing one's own faults.  

Whereas, confidence is knowing we are worthy and capable, because we are.  Because we exist.    It is loving one self and others by finding value in the whole self- imperfections and all.

Why do we want to be confident?

The short answer…. It feels good. 

The only slightly longer answer… you want to avoid the pitfalls of the lack of it and enjoy the benefits. 

The benefits of confidence are immense, but here are a key few: 

  • Make decisions with ease
  • Have your own back
  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Immune to other people’s judgement
  • Allow others to be wrong about you.
  • Stop being offended
  • Know you can figure it out… anything
  • Say no unapologetically
  • Say yes enthusiastically
  • Take more risks
  • Take more action
  • Achieve more

How can we choose confidence?

 In the words of Nike, “Just Do It”. 

 I know, easier said than done.  If you have been practicing thoughts of insecurity for a long time, it can take some practice.  But, what’s the downside?  .

I'll answer that... Literally, zero.

 You deserve to feel good about you.  It is what you are naturally meant to feel.  Which is 100% going to have a positive ripple effect that you will see all around you. 

 Start small. 

First, identify things you do feel good about you.  Make a list.  Build momentum and keep writing. It can be as simple as, "I like my smile."  To "I like how took control of that meeting." Or, "I like that I held the door for the person behind me at the store."

Next, identify the thoughts that are not serving you.  Thoughts that are keeping you from feeling confident. 

 They may look like:

  • I don’t know how
  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not good at….
  • I can’t….
  • People who have what I want are special, lucky or privileged.
  • That’s not possible for me.

Take one of these limiting thoughts and scale up to the believable next feeling one. 

This could look like:

Original thought:  I don’t know how to start a business.

 Neutral Replacement thought:  It’s possible I can figure out how to start a business.

 Even more neutral thought:  Other people start businesses so maybe I can.

You are looking for the most neutral next best thought that you can believe and then scale up from there. 

For more information on scaling your confidence, download the free PDF:  Scale Your Confidence One Thought at a Time.

The truth is that we all get hit with bouts of insecurity and self doubt.  As long as we are human, with human brains, this is going to be the case. 

But when you start bringing awareness to your thoughts and remember that you are choosing them; it becomes way more possible to change them.  To practice loving and trusting yourself.  To practice self-assessment in lieu of self judgement. 

Bottom line?

Developing feelings of confidence is your choice and it's a good one.  You can find ways to feel better about you right now, just as you are.  You can take small actions to build momentum.  

You can.  But if you've tried on your own and still aren't able to move forward confidently, making decisions and having your own back.  Setting goals and achieving them.  Let's talk.  I've got your back while you realize, you do too.

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